The BDSM group is notorious for labeling everything they do. You are M/s or Dom/sub or switch, top, bottom and on and on it goes.
In society we have the need for labels and used appropriately they are then beneficial. Doctor, lawyer, minister, as soon as a label is applied, you then have to follow the constraints of that label. If you label yourself Doctor, Lawyer ect one must have the education, experience, testing in order to meet those qualifications. Every single label placed on us, implies constraints. In order to meet that label we must follow the restrictions.
So why then do we label our relationships knowing that in order to wear that label we are going to have restrictions? Not so much calling yourself Master, or Mistress, sub or slave (although those two labels brings about debate!) but labeling your relationship. Such as “We are absolute power exchange or we are Total Power Exchange or we are Gorean.”
Your searching for that perfect partner, you place your ad on collarme or bondage and you stated “in search of APE/TPE”. You just eliminated a portion of potential mates and you haven’t even gotten into a relationship yet! These labels imply so much, they are based on what OTHERS perceive as right or wrong, as Gorean or TPE or APE. Why let the thoughts, words and experience of another dictate how you are going to run your relationship? These labels do not help the BDSM groups, they do not help the BDSM relationships, and all they do is hinder them. Putting this kind of title on your relationship, setting these kinds of goal to achieve is setting you up for failure. Goals in any relationship need to be attainable, they need to be set based on YOUR relationship, not based on what you read on a website, or what some other person believes is right or wrong.
We have no use for these labels in our relationship. We both get a bad taste when people talk about being or striving to reach APE/TPE . They have placed limitations upon their relationships and set goals that most likely will not be achieved. A BDSM relationship is difficult in the best of times without added additional stress. So instead of labeling your relationship to meet the constraints that other people have imposed why not label your relationship….as yours.