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Rant - Status Quo and other of Life's Crap
Dec 16 2012



Alone - Adjective

Having no one else present; on one's own.

Without others' help or participation; single-handed.

Synonyms

lone - single - lonely - lonesome - sole - solitary

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Lonely - Adjective

Sad because one has no friends or company.

Without companions; solitary: "passing long lonely hours looking onto the street".

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So why did I post that? That is how I feel. And wont email me and hand me any shit about "how lucky you are you have someone" or "he has eyes only for you." It means nothing when I never see Him. I barely see Him anymore. He works in the shop Mon to Thursday from 6 Am till 6 PM and then he works at night. Ya ya He is physically here, but that is it. No more. So what about the weekend you ask? Well this is a typical weekend. See one of the shop guys blew up my golf cart this week, ya really. Joys of having a business right. So He has been outside all weekend working on it. And I KNOW it is for me, I love going out in the forest and feeding the squirrels, but I need Him.

I have been telling him that I need to scene, sheesh even our scening sucks. Our version of vanilla. And He says ok and you know, even when He tries, He is not into it. His thoughts are elsewhere, work most likely. I do not think we go a single day without working. NOT ONE. Not even on the cruise. Work comes up, the phone rings, whatever..

But lately I am terribly lonely and sad. And I try to entice Him only to get a pat on the ass and off He goes. Fuck I am starting to think He is not sexually attracted to me anymore. And THAT is a big issue. I have weight issues now and confidence issues about how I look and add in that He is rejecting me..well it is making for a sad and weepy girl.

So what do I do? I go to bed and cry while he is out in the shop. (Or as this morning He is outside working) And then I pull myself together and paste on that happy happy face and keep plugging along.

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So business, it fucking sucks. I hate it. I hate working 40 hours a week, and never getting caught up, I have office help now and I even hate that. For when I am tired. I cant do anything, help is here. And I hate having *RUSH* orders and I hate being so busy and I hate customers yelling because they ordered yesterday and want it ..well yesterday. Ya really. We had a woman ordered on MONDAY and wanted it delivered by..Wednesday. Like WTF, am I a magician??? Or the guy that ordered a PERSONALIZED collar, and then came back blaming US because he wanted it STAMPED and PAINTED. He ordered STAMPED and PAINTED and we need to make Him another ASAP and send it out to him...and of course..His shopping cart says...STAMPED (not painted). Our fault..somehow.

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And this 40 hours (and more since I will be working once I done this) is also starting to play havoc on me. See I used to tell people and believe and still believe, that one cannot be a 24 hour full time slave if one is working 40 hours a week. You will burn out. Well guess what??? I feel like I am burning out, I RUSH to clean so that I can get back to the computer to do invoices/IRS/Payroll?web work?insert whatever needs done here. I rush to cook meals, and they are not the greatest anymore, and I fuck hire someone to come in and shampoo my furniture. Like I have the time, and so all this rushing to do domestic things are playing havoc on my slave side. Come night time, I want to go to bed at 8 PM. (and alot of nights I am in bed then). And then I try to tell Master and He blames it on hormones, or periods, or whatever. Its not. But *shrug* what's the use. So onward we go.

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The dogs, cats, turtles, fish birds are all doing well. Squirrels I do not know. The kittens are quickly becoming cats with their own personalities. Tigger does not like her face in water, so when she gets a drink, she dips her paw in the water and cradles it and brings her paw to her mouth..to drink. Weird cat. Tigger is a lover, to me. She is my cat. And climbs into my lap for loving and cuddles and more cuddles. I think her being sick has made her so clingy with me. Bazinga - sighs...she has ruined all my blinds, I hope I can replace them in 6 months or so, or when she grows up. She runs thru the house like a mad cat on a mission, climbing onto chairs, curtains, counters, door frames, over the leather in the shop, along poles. Whatever and wherever she cant get into. If she wants attention and you don't give it to her..she bites. If you are giving her attention and she doesn't want it..she bites. She attacks my feet, climbs up peoples back and onto their shoulders, jumps from the headboard of the bed onto the shoulder, hides all my hair ties, has figured out how to open my jewelry box (so that is now hidden), she is a weird cat. Crush the new turtle is doing well and growing, we added a little wading pool for him to get in and out of. Accept he has yet to really figure out how he got out. Galloway is growing up, I have some new pics of him, somewhere on here. I will have to post them, I think you will be shocked.

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Aww the kids. our He child is working Full time for us and getting paid pretty good so I am told. He is a welder by trade but tired of the trade. You know they build say a Walmart and when it is done, He is laid off until the next job comes around. He is tired of being laid off. hence why He is working for us now. He is really doing well and worth the money we pay him. it is nice to trust someone in the shop/office. His girlfriend is doing well and working full time and both the she child and SIL are working and doing well. No grandkids yet..but maybe. Speaking of grandkids, so Johns mom and dad have been raising his sister kids..forever (four of them) The youngest is now 7 the oldest is 22. Recently the girl gave birth to a baby boy. She is 18. ya really. i want grandkids but damn I am glad not at 18 ya know. BUT and here is the kicker. the MOM (and new grandma) is so proud of this grandbaby and she is going to be the best grandma around (her words not mine) and GAG me, vomit just a little bit in my throat. Maybe she needs to be a MOM to the two youngest (ages 7 and 9) and then worry about being a grandma???? She comes here and oohs and ahhs over the new baby that her 18 year old just gave birth too and meanwhile her mom is raising HER two kids..make me gag.

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Can you tell I am miserable?? Aww well, spent enough time ranting better get to work because come tomorrow customers are going to be calling wanting to know where their items are at.

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Have a good one.



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