BDSM Myths
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Myth: Bondage and Discipline or Sadomasochism (BDSM) is about power and
control. That means the submissive partner is being abused.
Fact: BDSM is a negotiated sexual activity that may
involve hitting, slapping, pain, coercion, or dominance. Some people may adopt
long-term roles of dominance or submission. These are conscious and consensual
activities where all parties agree to their roles as well as the time and place
for a particular scene. In a domestic
violence situation the abused partner does not consent to the abusive
activities.
Myth:
Submissives are attempting to re-live childhood abuse/ BDSM is a legacy of abuse
FACT: A 1994
American study of women involved in sado-masochism concluded that none of the
women were victims of sexual abuse. The interviewees became aware of their
orientation as young adults and most were happy with it. Submissives and
Dominants come from a broad spectrum of society and most people into BDSM are
very selective about who they play with. Considering the risks, this is not
surprising. The idea that submissive women are sexually indiscriminant likely
stems from pornographic fiction and the appeal of an insatiable partner who will
do anything one command. In real life this is rarely the case.
There is no
evidence that people into D/s or BDSM have any greater history of childhood
abuse than the general populace, but as people who were abused as children are
more likely to seek professional help, these are the ones that professionals see
and write about.
MYTH: D/s is
usually a case of "role-reversal" with people who have much power and
responsibility in real life often preferring a submissive role.
FACT: The "role-reversal"
myth likely stems from studies done in the 1950's which found that most of the
clients in houses of domination were wealthy, powerful men. This is probably
more due to the high fees charged in such houses (often $200-$5,000 a session)
than a dearth of impoverished submissives. There are many poor submissives and
wealthy Dominants.
MYTH: Leather is only for Gay
men who meet in bars.
FACT: It is true that "Leather" has its roots in Gay history.
The Leather Scene evolved out of the post WW2 "veterans" organizations
(for an in depth look at this subject see "The Old Guard" by Guy
Baldwin). Many of the trappings involved with what we now refer to as the
scene come from these organizations, such as referring to yourself
as old guard. Some of these Leather organizations have almost
nothing to do with BDSM while others are almost totally about BDSM. The myth is
that Leather is a Gay only thing. When Tony
DeBlase created the Leather Pride Flag he created it for everyone and it has
been slowly adopted by the pansexual community. You can be into BDSM without
wearing leather. In many ways "Leather" is an euphemism for many
aspects of the scene, not just BDSM, or even wearing leather, but by everyone
using the term Leather we all become part of a larger community.
MYTH:
BDSM = Sex
FACT: BDSM can be intensely sensual,
but it doesn't have to be intensely sexual. The two are not dependent on each other. Sex does occur
with BDSM but BDSM does not have to occur with sex. Many
people participate in a completely sex free BDSM experience.
MYTH: Once you start playing BDSM games you will want more and more and engage in increasingly risky and dangerous play
FACT: Fact: It is true that newcomers are often like kids in candy shops. After all, they are discovering new things and the feelings associated with them. But most people find who they are in the scene, and enjoy staying there. They might experiment and even find out new things about themselves, but stay centered.
MYTH: Everybody plays heavy, there's no room for people who consider a feather heavy.
FACT: There is room for everyone. One persons heavy is another persons light and vice-versa. In fact, being in the "scene" doesn't have to involve BDSM at all. If you encounter the people who keep "score", find other people.
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