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Master Domstars Journal on TPE
Surrendered To Him
Wednesday, April 16 2008 21:13:28


Dear Master...

Everywhere it looks,around YOUR AZ house... it now feels and sees YOU... so much has changed here... all a reflection of YOUR design, your spirit, your needs... and slave takes comfort in these things. But, in some ways it also has a feeling of dread which it can only compare to the feeling it had almost 10 years ago; when it found its first Master gone from it forever. That is creating a darkness in its soul and an overwhelming sadness it is fighting hard to combat.

slave has come to depend on You for so much... for its direction, its joys, its pain... and it has come to feel for you in a way it truly has never experienced before. Master, even in all of its years of being owned by its first Master, it never felt it could really walk away from the wants of the Vanilla world... it always craved friends... missed family. it is not saying that is does not miss its family now (who have not seen it since the day before YOU left it here a week ago) but it knows it does not NEED them... and they also seem to sense this. its daughter even had a lengthy discussion about it; she does know... it only NEEDS YOU.... craves YOU.... its thoughts are constantly filled with YOU... at night as it sits alone in Your living room, looking at Your empty chair that W/we bought for YOU... the clock upon the wall, the friendship circle on the table. slave misses Your hats hanging on the walls and listening to you discuss politics and laughing. it loved sitting and just watching you and remembers how much it enjoyed sitting at YOUR feet or kneeling between your knees, suckling your cock, massaging your balls, its cunt wet and aching for the need of YOUR use. it knows what it is and what it always has been ;

It wonders if the augmentation to its Body... done to save its life... prevents its use by YOU now. On the new WEB Cam, it caught sight of YOUR meatbags, and in truth, they do not look bad; not as bad as slave perceives them to be in its mirror. When YOU cupped them in YOUR hands while we were in CA and said... these are MINE... it is not sure if they were phantom memories or if they were actually feeling as much as they did and responded to YOUR call... it knows that in about another year you will be able to pierce those nipples and run chains... they hurt under your sadistic touch and melt at your tender touch.

How much it has always wanted to say all of this to YOU but so many years of silence make my words come out wrong although the thoughts and feelings are there. The fact that slave needs to be treated like YOUR animal bitch... to be brought down to tears and snot and piss in a giant puddle because of YOU and for YOU... because that is how YOU want it and what it craves... To have YOU holding its hand as YOU have it pierced... knowing the tears the fall are YOURS... To once again wear the posture collar that keeps its head up... its mouth available and its eyes lowered... to have YOU teach its throat to accept YOU in full... gagging and crying all the way... bile coming out until it grows accustomed.

it recalls the memory of its ass being raped over and over again years ago... the metal plug that was often inserted into it... sometimes frozen and sometimes so ice cold... The enemas of soapy warm water and ice water that would double it over as it hung from the shower... waiting to be allowed to expel all the fluid and totally humiliated when it was finally released to do so... being showered afterwards like the lowly animal it was. The daily harness that always strapped a butt plug into it (sometimes one in its cunt) so that every move reminded it what it was... its place. never knowing when its Owner would arrive at work etc to lift up its skirt and check to make sure it was in place. The removal of it at night... leaving its ass cunt gaping; sucking at the air only to know it was going to be ass fucked until it was in tears at night and then have its ass whipped with belt, cane, flogger or whip until it was welted and in some cases bleeding.

it remembers its initial breaking and that it required to be gagged and chained to submit... PLEASE help it to learn this total submission again. if what it takes to bring me back... to take ALL of the Vanilla away from it has to be brutal... then HELP it please. it is experienced, yes... but so much has been different and it is tender once again. it BEGS the isolation. it BEGS the destruction of any remaining ego... it BEGS to become YOUR slave animal in toto... no pretense... nothing left of it but its constant need to be YOURS and to give YOU everything.

it will always be a pain whore Master... its adopted father trained it that way... its first Owner trained it that way... its daydreams and thoughts are of harsh use and torture... and love. The only thing now is... it LOVES you so fully and it cannot live without YOU... you are its breath, its food, its water... its life force

Its mouth still hurts from the wonderful ferociousness of your kisses O/our last night together... oh fucking sweet Universe... it thought its breath was being sucked out of it and that is mouth would bleed... wonderfully bruised and tasting

The distance between YOU and your property seems too great this time and the silence is deafening at times. slave's soul echoes with emptiness and need... fear and longing. slave goes over in its mind the few times that it disobeyed and disappointed your in the 4 months You were with it, and how it wish it could take those times back. it remembers laying beside YOU as you choked it, softening it to YOUR need and use, telling it of YOUR plans to open it. it remembers the night it begged YOU to beat it... and yes, Master, it admits its disappointment that YOU did not. it DESPERATELY NEEDED/NEEDS and pathetically desires to be broken... despite its fear of it after all these years. it had listened to your plans for it and longed so for them and it will learn to endure again, Sir because it craves it, wants it, and knows that is a part of what it is.

Though miles physically separate U/us... it feels YOUR presence constantly now... and the ache for YOU though present is eased with just a word across the screen or the sound of your voice. Surrounded last night by family and friends... its thoughts remained centered around you and that too saw it through wonderful moments and difficult moments.

As you enjoy this evening with others whom you require and whom require you even more... slave sends YOU its thoughts of absolute love, surrender and peace...

and it holds YOU in its mind, body, spirit, and heart as it has held no other.

Good Night blessed Master... Thank YOU for even deigning to Own it. Please feel in YOUR heart the sincerity of Your property and the desperation of its NEED

blessed be



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